I spent a lot of my early 20s feeling lonely. I didn’t want to feel lonely, but I often had trouble feeling like myself around others.
在我20多岁前,我花费了去多时间去体会孤独,并不是我想去这样,只是我在拥有如其他人一样的感受上常常有问题。
I’m not lonely anymore and this is why:
以下就是为什么不再觉得孤单的原因:
1. Listen to what your body has to say
1.聆听你身体想表达的东西
A big part of my loneliness was I refused to accept that I am actually a pretty introverted, non-verbal person. Ideas that are meaningful seem to come from my body, not my mind. They begin as feelings, not words.
大部分的孤独来自于我不肯接受我其实是个相当内向沉默寡言的人,很多有意思的想法像是来自于我身体而非我的脑中,它们以感觉出发,而非语言。
In conversations with others I started to ask myself, “How do I really feel in my body **right now?”** I would wait for the response, let the feeling come into words, then share those ideas in the conversation. In this way I started to feel a lot more present in my interactions with others. Eventually this became second nature.
在与其他人的交谈中,我开始询问自己“我现在是什么样的感受“,我等待着它的回应,让情感转化为语言,然后在交谈去分享这些想法,通过这个途径,我在与人交流时变得更加实时地表达想法,最后这变成我第二种天性。
In order to hear your feelings, you have to give them time to surface – they cannot be rushed.
为了聆听你自己的感受,你要给予他们时间浮现,而不可匆忙。
When you share what’s meaningful to you, others will find you more interesting, and they’ll feel invited to share too.
当你开始分享你觉得有意思的事时,别人也会觉得你变得更有趣了,他们也想来和你分享。
2. Find people who give you time to speak
2.寻找那些给你时间来表达的人
New ideas that have yet to find words are delicate. If the person you’re talking to is quick to jump in at every lull,
当你还没找到合适词语来表达新的想法时,如果那个和你聊天的人总是很快跳过每个沉默的间隔,
it’s impossible to give yourself time to verbalize your ideas. There are lots of people who can sense this process at work.
你是不可能得到时间来说出你的想法的。当然,也有很多人能感受到这个过程。
They are able to read your body language and give you the moments you need to find what you have to say. Make friends with these people. They will appreciate you being able to offer the same to them.
他们能读懂你的肢体语言,同事给你时间让你找想说的话语。和他们做朋友吧,他们也会感激你予他们同样的对待。
3. Be around people who know you every day
3.去围绕那些懂你的人
Get into a daily rhythm of being around people who know and care about you. They might be friends, roommates, classmates, or coworkers.
进入一个日常的节奏,和那些懂你并关心你的人玩在一起,他们有可能是你的朋友,室友,同学或者同事
If you have a job, don’t just isolate yourself in your tasks. Find bits of time to chat about non-work stuff with coworkers and let yourself be authentic.
如果你已经工作,不要自己孤立在你的任务中,抽出一些时间来与同事讨论一些非工作的事情,让你的形象更真实些。
4. Share your secrets with the right person
4.和对的人分享秘密
If you have secrets and no one to talk with about them, it’s easy to feel ashamed and alone. Maybe it’s an insecurity you have or something that happened in the past. Find someone who will be able to listen to you and accept you with your secrets. Make this person a part of your life – you’ll feel a world of difference.
如果你没有合适人去诉说你的秘密,这很容易让你觉得难为情和孤独,也许这些秘密是你觉得没把握,或者发生在过去,找一个可以来聆听你并接受你秘密的人,让他成为你生活的一部分,你会发现这世界变得不一样了。
Sometimes there’s no way to escape feeling lonely. As painful as it is, accept that you feel lonely, don’t be ashamed of it, and have faith that time will make things change.
有时候我们没法逃脱孤独的感觉,即便它是痛苦的,也要学着去接受它,不要觉得不好意思,我们要相信时间将会改变一切。