The 36 questions were published in a study by psychologist Arthur Aron called 'The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness'。


　　这36个问题叫做“人际亲密产生试验”，由心理学家亚瑟·艾伦发表在一份研究中。这个实验的目的，是为了找到一个方法在两个陌生人之间迅速建立亲密的关系。


    亲密关系的建立事实上是一个双方循序渐进自我披露（self-disclosure）的过程。比如说刚认识一个人，我们只会聊聊天气，认识久一点谈谈八卦，只有在时间足够久、彼此了解到一定程度的时候，才会开始深层次的自我披露（更多地讲述自己私人的事件和观点）。而自我披露是一个你来我往的过程（reciprocal process）。当别人对你吐露了一些隐私的时候，代表着对方对你一定程度的信任，你也会自然地更加信任对方，因此变得更加愿意向对方吐露自己的内心。这样不断地你来我往，信任以及较为亲密的关系就建立了。
　　
　　而这36个问题，由浅入深，加速了两个陌生人之间自我披露和建立信任的过程。如果平时我们要认识一个人半年后才愿意向其吐露自己与母亲的关系，这两个陌生人，在实验的环境里迫于实验者的淫威，45分钟内就完成了这一切。
　　He tested the theory that it's possible to make two people fall in love by getting them to share intimate thoughts and memories. To prove this, he persuaded 52 sets of male and female strangers and 19 sets of female strangers to try it. Two of the participants entered a lab via separate doors, before sitting opposite one another and answering his series of ever-more personal and probing questions。


　　他通过做实验来证明两个人通过分享私人的想法和记忆可以相爱。为了证明这个观点，他说服52对陌生男女和19对陌生女性参与实验。两名参与者由不同的门进入同一间实验室，然后面对面坐着，回答这些越来越私人和深入的问题。


阿伦教授在后来发表的论文中总结：“人与人之间要建立亲密关系，持续地、不断深入地、互相对等地坦白自己的个人特性非常重要。”而两人之间能否变得亲密，跟他们的三观是否一致并没有太大关系，跟双方是否期待跟对方发生浪漫关系也没有关联。


这个理论的核心是，共同的脆弱能促进亲近感。这项研究的作者们称：“同伴之间发展亲密关系的关键模式在于持续、逐步升级、相互且个人化的袒露自我。”允许自己和另一个人共享脆弱可能非常困难，下面这个练习能迫使你做到这一点。
Set One


第一部分


1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?


1. 如果可以在世界上所有人中任意选择，你想邀请谁共进晚餐？


2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?


2. 你想成名吗？想以什么方式成名？


3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?


3. 打电话之前你会先排练一下要说什么吗，为什么？


4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?


4. 对你来说，“完美”的一天是什么样的？


5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?


5. 你上次自己唱起歌来是在什么时候，给别人唱呢？


6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?


6. 如果你能活到90岁，同时可以一直保持30岁时的心智或身体，你会选择保持哪一种呢，心智还是身体？
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?


7.你是否预感过你会以某种方式死去？


8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.


8. 举出你和你对面这位的3个共同点。


9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?


9. 你人生中最感激的是什么？


10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?


10.如果可以改变你自幼成长经历中的任何一点，你会改变什么？


11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.


11. 你只有4分钟时间，但请在这4分钟内尽量详细地对你的搭档讲述你的人生故事。


12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?


12. 如果你明天醒来时能得到一种新的能力或品质，你想要的是什么？


Set Two


第二部分


13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?


13.如果有个水晶球可以预测关于你自己、你的生活、你的未来的真实情况，或者其他任何事情，你最想知道什么？


14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?


14.有没有什么是你一直想去做的？为什么你还没有去做呢？


15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?


15. 你人生中最大的成就是什么？


16. What do you value most in a friendship?


16. 友谊中你最珍视的是什么？


17. What is your most treasured memory?


17. 你最珍贵的回忆是什么？


18. What is your most terrible memory?


18. 你最糟糕的记忆是什么？


19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?


19. 如果你知道你只有一年可以活了，你会改变你的生活方式吗？为什么？


20. What does friendship mean to you?


20. 对于你，友谊意味着什么？


21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?


21.爱和感情在你的生命中充当什么角色？


22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.


22. 轮流分享你认为恋人应该具有的好品质，总共分享5个。


23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?


23.你的家庭关系紧密融洽吗？你是否认为自己的童年比别人的要快乐？


24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?


24. 你与母亲的关系怎样？


Set Three


第三部分


25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “


25.每个人造三个以“我们……”开头的句子，比如，“我们都在这个房间里，感到……”


26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “


26.完成下面这个句子：“我希望有一个人让我可以跟他/她分享……”


27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.


27.如果你要和搭档变成亲密的朋友，请分享他/她需要知道的重要事情。


28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.


28. 告诉你对面那位，你喜欢他（她）什么？必须非常诚实，说一些你可能不会和第一次见面的人说的话。


29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.


29.跟你的搭档分享一个你生命中的尴尬时刻。


30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?


30.你上次在另一个人面前哭是什么时候？自己一个人哭呢？是什么时候？


31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.


31.告诉搭档，你已经喜欢上了他/她的某些特质。


32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?


32. 有什么事情你觉得太严肃不可以开玩笑的。


33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?


33.如果你今晚就要离世，而且没有机会跟任何人交流，你会最遗憾没有把什么事情告诉别人？为什么你还没有告诉他们？


34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?


34.假设你的家(里面放着所有你拥有的东西)着火了。当救出你的至亲至爱和宠物以后，你有时间回去拿最后一样东西，那样东西是什么？为什么？


35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?


35.在你的全家人里，谁的死会最让你不安？为什么？


36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.


36. 分享一个你自己的个人问题，问问对方有什么方式来面对它。让对方告诉你你选择的这个问题会让他对你有何感受。


答完36道问题后，静静地双目对视4分钟。